Arrived at the apartment, I pulled out the newspaper again and navigated to the election website. Although I had never run for office myself, I had always marveled at the students who chose to do so. Here were a dozen or so students who had chosen to devote huge amounts of their free time to the enhancement of student life, and who were probably only fractionally aware of the impact such service would have on their resumés. I hadn’t really any illusions that I was the ideal student-body representative to lead the school toward the promise of a better future, but I did want to vent publicly about the absurdity of my towing ordeal.
I started to compose my statement of purpose. I proposed that towing companies were nothing more than ruthless scavengers, fattening themselves on the carrion of people’s misjudgments, poor timing, and innocent oversights. The jurisdiction of such companies should be limited, I believed, to those cases where their services were strictly needed, such as traffic accidents and breakdowns. My statement was concise, direct, and passionate, with no idle filler about extending facility hours, taking certain needed public safety measures, revising the honor code, or improving relations between student groups.
A week passed after I posted my campaign statement, and for whatever reason, my plunge into the political fray had been met with little fanfare. Although I assumed my message alone would capture the imaginations of most of the students who would bother to research the candidates, I figured a little bit of advertising wouldn’t hurt. The evening before the election, I drove to Kmart to purchase a bucket of sidewalk chalk in a variety of eye-catching colors. I enlisted the help of a couple of friends, and at midnight we set off to pepper the campus with my name writ large in pastels. In a four-hour dash we left dozens of graffiti over the main quad and at the entrances of the more-frequented buildings (although it should be noted that we could have achieved the same production in half the time had I not had to edit my friends’ renderings for sexual innuendo and, in some cases, accompanying illustrations).
We took the light drizzle that moved in at about 4 a.m. as a sign to turn in for the night, our work complete. I decided to skip the Dunkin’ Donuts routine and instead went straight to bed; I fell asleep in no time, lulled by the constant patter of the rain. The next morning, when the rest of the student body arose and followed their usual routes to class, they would see my name over and over again as it passed beneath their feet. And hopefully when they reached the polls that day, mine would be the name that sang out loudest for the choosing.
Indeed it might have happened that way if the light drizzle hadn’t soon grown into a cleansing downpour that persisted until daybreak. The student body arose that morning to traverse a campus from which graffiti was uncharacteristically absent. In spite of that brief flurry of self-promotion, I would remain as anonymous as I had always been. When the thousands of votes had been tallied and the winners were announced a day later, I was not among them. I wasn’t completely skunked, but I received so few nods that the paper kindly neglected to convert my tally to a percentage.
It might have gone down as a watershed election, one that sent a clear message to Rhubarb and her unsavory ilk. Instead, a number of factors (and an act of God, mind you!) conspired to hobble my burgeoning movement before it gained any political traction. In retrospect my policy suggestions might have been a little too progressive for my fellow students to rally around. Perhaps an effort to introduce myself to voters prior to the morning of the election would have been prudent, but hey, I’m no baby-kisser. And besides, if I had quietly snuck in and stolen the hearts of the voters with a wee-hours campus canvassing, would I not have become the embodiment of the very thing I claimed to detest?